Throughout the summer, she couldn't wait to get to college and find that one person who would love her. She wanted to be just like her mom, staying at home and raising kids and cleaning house. There was no other life she wanted. That meant that she really only had one goal: find a husband.
Freshman year overwhelmed her. There were so many people and organizations to be a part of that she couldn't think straight. She joined a sorority in the spring semester, giving her a group of friends to hang out with and an easy way to meet guys. Since it was a Christian sorority, she thought it would be even easier to meet a great guy, but freshman year came and went and all she had to show for it was a mediocre G.P.A.
Sophomore year had brighter hopes, or so Sharon thought. Shortly into the school year she met a guy. She liked him, and he liked her. He was training to be a minister, which Sharon thought was perfect. Soon they began dating, and Sharon thought, This is it! I finally found him! She let herself be swept away in her emotions, allowing them to control her. She never once thought about reality.
What she liked most about Edgar was that he called her beautiful every day. Self-image was one thing Sharon had always struggled with in her youth. She was taller than most girls and had really long arms and legs. She thought of herself as a freak. She had a plain face and dull brown eyes. There was nothing about her that screamed for attention, and yet, here was a guy who was attracted to her.
The next few months flew by, until one day they were sitting out in his car after a date and he finally said the words she had been longing to hear: I love you. Sharon smiled and nearly squealed in delight and said it back to him. Then he kissed her, and all felt right for Sharon.
Weeks passed, and the kisses became longer and more frequent. One night they drove to a big city for a super nice dinner. It was out of the ordinary, so Sharon's mind began to race with all the possibility of the night. She imagined him getting to one knee and proposing. She even began to wonder what the ring looked like and how big it was.
She hadn't forgotten that it was Valentine's Day, but they never talked about this kind of trip in the past. Even though it was only an hour to the city from school, it still felt like a big trip, one worthy of a proposal. So they went. They ate at a fancy restaurant and he acted like a complete gentleman, but no proposal. While they ate, the chatter in the restaurant began to grow louder and louder. Sharon and Edgar looked around trying to see what was going on, and saw through a window that it was snowing!
The snow itself wasn't unusual, it was still winter, after all, but Sharon wasn't prepared for the blizzard that had cropped up. By the time they were done eating, there was four inches of snow on the ground and the temperature was in the upper teens. Edgar looked at Sharon and asked what she thought they should do, but she didn't know. Part of her wanted to go back, but the snow was falling harder and harder and there was no chance they would make it, so she reluctantly agreed to staying at a hotel in the city.
Sharon let him talk her into sharing a room, but when they got up there, instead of two queens, there was one king-sized bed. Sharon was nervous about it all, suddenly, but they had already paid and the snow had only gotten heavier with more accumulation on the ground. They determined that they would sleep in their clothes, so as to not be tempted further, but as they kissed goodnight, it went from an innocent kiss into a lustful feast. They didn't stop at kissing, and Sharon wasn't sure if she wanted to stop anything, so they continued.
Morning came and they found themselves nestled against one another, without any clothing, but, much to Sharon's surprise, she wasn't embarrassed. We love one another, she thought. There isn't anything wrong with this. After a little while longer in bed, they arose and dressed. Looking outside they saw that it was still snowing and the storm had dumped nearly a foot of snow. Edgar turned on the news which said that all roads, even the main highways, were still too dangerous for travel, so they spent another night together.
Days after they had returned home from the city, Edgar met Sharon and they went for a walk. Edgar told her, even though he enjoyed those two nights, he couldn't continue to be in a relationship that tempted him as much as theirs did. This destroyed Sharon, and she didn't want to let him go, but after he broke up with her, he walked away and never talked to her again.
Sharon spent the rest of the semester in a comatose state. It wasn't that Edgar broke up with her, but it was that she trusted him so much and he used her then tossed her away. She had found out later that he did something like that to a girl every semester. This was the straw that broke her. She fell for the trick, for the dirtbag's words. She turned her back on everything, including God. How could a future minister do this to someone? Is that who God is?
That summer she went home. She spent the first few weeks avoiding church and questions. Her G.P.A. had slipped to a 2.0 since she failed her last semester. She felt dirty and ashamed because of that cretins trick.
Weeks into the summer, however, a high school friend called her and asked her to come to dinner. She went and met her and they talked. After dinner, they went back to her house and everything spilled out. Sharon wept over her relationship with Edgar, expressed her anger with God, and the shame she felt for herself.
Elissa held her as she cried, empathizing with her, and encouraging her. She explained that God didn't do that to her; it was a man who only wanted his passions fulfilled. Elissa expressed God's love and forgiveness towards her, and, by the end of the night, Sharon felt less ashamed. She struggled through it for most of the summer, but one night at church, Sharon felt God speaking in a radical new way. The pastor was talking about loving and leaving self and it was as if God said, "Sharon, where do you find your value? Where do you find your reason to live? Who are you?"
It was a challenge. One that bewildered and scared Sharon. Who am I? she thought again. She took a breath and answered herself. I am a child of God, the Creator and Sustainer of all. He alone gives me value because He alone has value. My reason to live is to give glory to God. That's who I am.
Emboldened by this new discovery Sharon set out, back to college, back to the place that caused the harm. She finished school and accomplished two of the three goals she set out at the beginning of her freshman year. She went to school and got a degree, but she didn't mind falling short of the third. She had traveled from dependency on a guy to give her meaning to knowing that she needed nothing from man. She traveled from independence from God to realizing that He alone gives value to the valueless.
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If Sharon were real, this would be her message: girls, look not to guys for value, but to God. Allow him to be the Lover in your life because He is so much greater than any man could ever be. Guys, don't ever allow a woman to find her value in you. Allow her to be her own self and seek her own things. Also, guys, don't settle for the idea of "If I don't have a wife/girlfriend, then I am a loser." Again, find your value in Christ and Christ alone.
